EDWARDEdward is a bunny rabbit, well at least in his current form he is. Since selling his soul to the devil he has been a tuna fish, a pigeon, an ant, a monkey, and now he is most definately a rabbit. This just *wasn't* part of the bargain. Edward, a young but extra ordinarily smart young man had been dabbling in the Black Arts, attempting to control the darkest powers and summon a demon to do his bidding. It had obviously gone very wrong though, you really don't expect *the* devil, you know like Satan - big chops - (ye ruler of hell?) to poke through an opening in the floor inside your little circle of candles when you are trying to summon a demon. His joyeous ugly darkness had come with a proposition for Edward. Any single request of Edward's would be granted if he was willing to offer his soul in exchange. Considering the dark lord had just been summoned from his daily duties of torturing this must have been light going, who in their right mind likes to give up causing immence pain just to pretend they are the fairy god mother?. Its a tough choice when you are offered the chance for anything you want to be happen, you wouldn't really have expected Edward to blurt out "I want to see the world, from every perspective possible, I want to know everything!"... most people would have settled for a cheque. With the cruelest sense of humour possible, the dark lord decided that "every perspective possible" didn't include the human perspective, and although Edward was allowed to keep his intellegence, his human form was immediately discarded and he found himself peering out into the world through the eyes of an altogether different creature, the common tuna fish. This was possibly the shortest experience of Edwards creature hopping adventures, as he soon found a hook in his mouth and a seering pain as he was tugged to shore, a kid screaming "daddy daddy lookit I got one!!!" squeezed on him and as suddenly as he had found himself in the tuna fish, he progressed into a pigeon. The senses of soaring through the sky were amazing, he could feel his bowels releasing constantly and watched as white pigeon poop raining down on the city scene below him, he felt truely alive and felt like he could be flying a stealth bomber... but he'd forgotten to look ahead whilst thinking this and was soon partially embedded in a wall, whilst the rest of him slid down to the ground. Life began again, this time in the form of an ant. The world seemed much larger, and would certainly have taken a long.. long time to explore, especially with the craving to eat sugar every second. At this point Edward was actually thankfully that a little size 5 shoe crushed his tiny exoskeleton and left his insides smeared over the pavement. Its a rather odd sensation this next creature, especially for Edward who opened his eyes and found his finger scratching a monkeys bum, he soon realised what he was when a monkey behind him started to scratch his bum though. Edward had almost adapted to being a monkey after four or five months had passed, but the circle of life must go on and he was quickly eaten by a hungry tiger, it seemed to have a rather large grin on its face as it pounced from the grass and tore his head off. Then came the rabbit. Ah the rabbit. Rabbits seem cute and fluffy, but they have night vision, and they have the constant urge to procreate, or at least just an urge for the action of procreation. A human intellegence, inside a rabbit... Edward knew this was the match, and it was time for him to get revenge on everyone. Quickly he began plotting and procreating, infusing his intellegence into millions of baby bunnies. Billions of Edward Bunnies were soon opening there eyes and thinking about how many of their brothers it would take to kill the demon that caused Edward to float from animal to animal. Edward had forgotten one minor detail though. Rabbits aren't very good at summoning demons from dark dimensions. Just because they can see in the dark doesn't mean they are any good at the black arts. "Bugger" chirped a billion bunnies, and as all hope drained from them a whooshing sound came from above, followed by a crashing sound and a long silence as a nuclear weapon landed above them and wiped out every single one of the cute little bastards. Life moves on, Edward was moved into the body of a pet rat, and now lives out his days in a cage. The moral of the story is, don't screw with the devil, or with bunnies, because they are both evil! |
RECENT ENTRIES |