Employee Revenge TacticsIn the working world we are all expected to act like adults, this basically translates as being civil to your co-workers even if they are scumcum half-human demonic poosquatches. All the employees must try their best to keep up the image and act like adults because without such skills the almighty task of pampering the boss like a five year old child would be impossible. You have many stereotypes to cope with in the day to day working environment. Most of us get off lightly with just a singular "Sales Guy" come dick head, complete with enlarged ego located so far up their arse that they don't even need training to talk shit all day. Pleasing to some, fucking annoying to everyone else is the stunning receptionist slut, generally found in her natural habitat looking occupied however actually busy discussing penis size and extreme details of when she was thrust against the toilet walls by the above "Sales Guy", whilst painting her nails, typing up letters... oh and showing enough cleavage to give any older clients a heart attack (or two). Prancing around the office like a twat on ecstasy you have the gay administrative assistant, unable to sit still due to a very very sore arse, never pays much attention to anything said other than gossip from the stunning receptionist slut, but is generally hard working unless you confiscate their Kylie CD's, prone to becoming very stroppy and flailing their arms about madly. Never to be found on pay day is the HR 24/7 PMT Bitch, you can't ask whether you have been paid, and if you consider asking for a raise, time off, or perhaps if she'll ever stop dripping red slime over the office carpet, you are as good as dead. Last and certainly least, you have the overweight pretentious wanker boss, oozing his lies and feeble demands like a new form of sweaty slime. This creature exists only to ensure that all happyness is vacuum sucked and sealed out of your life forever. Dealing with these people on a day to day basis may be stressful and as such is terribly damaging to your health, its only natural that you may seek to wreak revenge on these people, and me oh my what a surprise! like Blue Peter I appear to have some ready made suggestions for disposing of them in hideously cruel ways! Firstly, we have temporary punishments. Theres nothing quite like slipping experimental drugs into a mug of tea for a colleague, same applies to laxatives, or if you are truly bored and don't care about being caught, wayhay lets go for asbestos! These should prove amusing for a few days, possibly weeks, and you can damn well bet you'll never be asked to make a cup of tea again. However... do you really think thats a long enough punishment? You want more don't you? How about you try coating their entire desk and floor with a thin layer of a conductive liquid, then have some serious voltage attached to the desk, you can watch them frazzle! If you have more creative ideas then by all means go for it, slice their heads off in the middle of a meeting with the most important client, steal their car and drive over them with it (then reverse over them for good measure), poison their food, detonate their monitors, fire tactical missles at the building, or if all else fails, NUKE THE FUCKERS. |
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