The Granny Spy NetworkIf you have ever frequented a supermarket, you'll no doubt have been witness to the fact that they are often packed with small, somewhat wrinkly, growling, snail paced old women. Armed with full size shopping trolleys (war machines) containing as many as say, two items, you can damn well bet its either corned beef... or a cornish pastie packed with English pride. *DO NOT* mistake these women as innocent shoppers for that is *FAR* from the truth, they are vicious deadly killing machines waiting to pounce upon bystanders at any moment! You will often find these old ladies huddled in threes or fours, listen carefully and you will hear them using codenames such as Edna, Mildred, and Betty! Approach with caution, these wrinkly beasties are busy planning a top secret meeting at their *secret* secret headquarters! We know this place only as "Go Go Biingooooo!", and that it is bursting with the overloads of the Granny Spy Network and their fiendish minions. Attempting to push past or speed ahead of one of these creatures will not prove effective, within moments another will have appeared as if from nowhere, directly in front of you, innocently reaching for the highest stacked product possible as she growls her fiendish growl and tenses her wrinkles at you. If you live to make it to the checkouts, there *will* be an old lady in front of you in the queue, this my friends is no miracle, *this* is a trap. Finding yourself with only a few items, the glaring always aware granny will offer for you to skip ahead in the queue, and as soon as your back is turned you will be BEATEN to a bloody pulp with a special issue zimmerframe designed to crush you like a bug. Its a tough world out there, and I advise caution, but don't expect me to cry for you if I find your pale body, flesh and pieces of skull over the floor, zimmerframe shiny and innocent nearby. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! |
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